This is awesome! Charlie Sheen invites Jeff Ross, and others over to watch “The Funeral” episode of Two and a Half Men. Together, they see the first appearance of Ashton Kutcher on the show. The crowd cheers for Ashton. They LOVE him, but can you imagine Charlie Sheen’s “tiger blood” boiling.
Here’s What Jeff Ross had to say about that night:
“So here’s how it all went down: everyone gathered in front of a flat screen in Charlie’s living room. He was surrounded by old pals and recent roasters as the opening sequence of Two And A Half Men began. We were all a little tense as Jon Cryer stood in front of Charlie’s bowling shirt and offered up a eulogy for Charlie’s character, named Charlie. The funeral scene included cameos by a bevy of beautiful actresses who had portrayed Charlie’s love interests over the years. As each woman spoke, Charlie nodded subtly to himself, as if checking off their names on a “need ’em, got ’em” checklist. A brief walk-on by my pal John Stamos seemed to take Charlie by surprise, but played well with us all — especially when Stamos admitted to having gay sex with Charlie. It’s almost like the roast had started.
Charlie seemed genuinely thrilled to see Holland Taylor and Angus T. Jones hitting their zingers like old times. At one point Charlie smiled fondly and mumbled something about an “epic line reading” from his TV mom. Charlie laughed at the better jokes and rolled his eyes at a fart joke. I noticed there was an open spot on the couch next to Charlie so I grabbed it.
I whispered, “How do you feel?”
“Odd,” he answered.
Moments later it got even odder when Jon Cryer began talking to an urn full of Charlie’s ashes. “Oy, this is morbid,” I blurted out. Charlie looked at me to make sure I wasn’t kidding. “Yes, very fucking morbid,” he said.
I must admit I didn’t really pay too much attention to Ashton’s big entrance, because I couldn’t take my eyes off Charlie. I figured any second he would lunge at the TV or stab somebody with a fork. But I heard the laugh Ashton got and Charlie seemed impressed. “Wow. They gave him a fucking entrance like a movie”, he told us. I guess Charlie figured that if he had to get replaced — better to have it done in a big way by a good guy.
As if watching his show go on without him wasn’t torture enough… Charlie’s long time assistant Rick changed the channel because the comedy portion of the evening was about to start.
Charlie moved into his screening room and parked himself in a dark corner. My fellow roasters Jon Lovitz, Steve-O, and Kate Walsh followed him in and sat amongst Charlie’s friends and all the top people at Comedy Central. We all smiled broadly as Roastmaster Seth Macfarlane introduced an inspiring and funny montage of Charlie’s film and TV work. This roast was no lifetime achievement award, but it was still nice to be reminded how talented Sheen is before the barbs started flying. Even Charlie was smiling when he saw himself as a young crew-cutted recruit in the Oscar-winning film, Platoon.
As each roaster finished, they got a big round of applause from Charlie. Still, he seemed to laugh the hardest at his own rebuttal. As if he couldn’t believe he was getting away with this insane victory speech. In the end, he declared to the world, “I’m done with the ‘winning,’ because I’ve already won. This roast may be over, but I’m Charlie Sheen, and in here burns an eternal fire. I just have to remember to keep it away from a crack pipe.” Everybody in the screening room was laughing hard. I’d never seen a man of the hour deliver such a powerful rebuttal. Afterwards, Charlie hugged everybody as they left and lit himself a moist Cohiba. I watched him take a puff and smile at the sky. Then he offered me one, gave me a hug and thanked me for “everything.”